it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
