I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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