"it" just moved
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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