You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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