3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
