dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
