I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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