You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
