I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
