Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
