It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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