Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
