At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
