I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
