it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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