I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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