From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
