i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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