I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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