If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
