just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
