so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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