how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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