Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
