all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dear god my vagina.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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