so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
