Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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