We should be called the Road Head Warriors
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
