Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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