I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
