Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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