Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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