i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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