I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
ttyl tear gas
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
