Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
