It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
