you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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