when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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