Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
