It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
