Can i not drive my cunt home
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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