he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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