So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
