are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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