How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i can't believe i had my finger in that
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
