If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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