I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
