She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
