Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
