would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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