lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
