Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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