long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
