Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
